2 More days,Death or Not, or From the City of Shiva

March 29, 2008

You pick the title of this email.

As if we didn't get enough, Shawn and I are staying 2 more days in Varanasi as we could not get a train ticket in the class we wanted for tomorrow. Yes we are a bit snobbish when it comes to long distance train travel but you may be if you experienced the difference between 3 tier sleeper class and 2 tier AC. The first train we took was the former and it wasn't so bad until we realized in the middle of the night that when the beds went down there was no way to sit up! And also everyone and their mother, literally, came in in the middle of the night and just laid down on the floor around us. It really pushed my western spacial limit. We will pay the extra 700 rupees to have a cool, clean, semi private space where you don't have to be horizontal if you don't want to be. $5 or $25 back home it is not such a big difference!

So we leave for Rishikesh in three days. And will stay in an ashram and practice yoga. Not very focused but I think this is what we need right now. I sure we will be guided to a suitable place. We haven't go completely astray yet. The Universe is always catching us and showing us the way! This morning we took the most beautiful boat ride. Once you get past all the mess the Ganges is still amazingly spiritual. I talked about in my first emails from here. After a little bargaining for a reasonable price to be rowed up the river at 5:30am; we walked down Assi ghat, stepped into a boat and floated out onto the holy mama Ganga. The moment, much like watching my first sun rise here, brought tears to my eyes. I think one of my favorite things about India have been the boat rides and we have quite a few. I hope to send a long a few photos of the sun coming up over the river( I know I keep talking about photos). Shawn gave some of his dreads to Mama Ganga. They are so funny to look at not on his head. I guess they were funny on his head too. I didn't mention earlier that during my first walk on the ghats, which I had taken alone as Shawn was sick, I watched a cremation, right on the river. It was so ordinary, not sad, scary, or grotesque. Just normal. I was reading a book today in a little cafe( we just discovered and is very cute and clean and run by an American lady) about death or is there really death by Swami Muktananda. I really resonated with the information. As most of you know my grandmother passed on while I was here in India. Not that I haven't read about these or been told this before but all the goals of all this yoga and mediation are to realize we are just in these bodies for a short time. That there is so much more than what we experienced in the material world and here in India/ Varanasi is a really good place to began to realize this. The book talked about the surrendering and welcoming of death when it comes and that it will not be painful. I am sorry that this email may seem morbid but my experience has nothing to do with morbidity but rather the beauty and expansiveness of life! Of Immortality! Low and behold I am still living in the material world and I'm still a material girl. But maybe some day I will realize this fully. And I'm thankful to glimpse it and experience hints of our oneness. It is what keeps me on my path and I am grateful.

Thanks to each of you for being someone special in this material world and beyond!

Om Namah Shiviah! Love, Tonya